I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
