literally had 100 drinks last night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
