Where is the hickey?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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