i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
