Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish you could order shots online.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
