I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
