He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so let's talk penis.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
