Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
cat food counts as protein by the way
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
