Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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