dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
