I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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