I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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