Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
