I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
