i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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