How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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