Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I will be naked everywhere
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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