Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
