Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
