Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
