I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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