dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
