So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
