We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
