around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
