cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We left the knife in your bed.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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