his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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