Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
