Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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