If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
