I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
