i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
