So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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