Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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