I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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