Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
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I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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