What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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