well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
