so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
