I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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