how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
