she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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