Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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