Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
