Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  batman just walked across the sidewalk

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  lay off the drugs

  (630): View more from Illinois

  no for real he was wearing a cape

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  (630): batman just walked across the sidewalk (1-630): lay off the drugs (630): no for real he was wearing a cape http://tfl.nu/eo01
  Replies (15) Good night (4903) Bad night (557)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this

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  (250): This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this http://tfl.nu/tv14
  Replies (8) Good night (2423) Bad night (744)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cont stop tolking in a british axsent

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  (215): I cont stop tolking in a british axsent http://tfl.nu/j2m9
  Replies (45) Good night (4046) Bad night (998)
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  (315): View more from New York

  So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.

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  (315): So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave. http://tfl.nu/cgpg
  Replies (46) Good night (822) Bad night (9600)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.

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  (610): Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays. http://tfl.nu/bu0x
  Replies (9) Good night (3649) Bad night (1244)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.

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  (816): I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ. http://tfl.nu/y7u3
  Replies (16) Good night (4156) Bad night (737)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!

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  (303): He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk! http://tfl.nu/z1cd
  Replies (27) Good night (9301) Bad night (4161)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney

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  (224): you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney http://tfl.nu/cyaf
  Replies (3) Good night (3638) Bad night (945)
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  (858): View more from California

  I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.

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  (858): I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling. http://tfl.nu/biin
  Replies (10) Good night (1361) Bad night (656)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Sidenote...no idea how to salsa

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  (502): Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing (502): Sidenote...no idea how to salsa http://tfl.nu/2bal
  Replies (2) Good night (1589) Bad night (551)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.

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  (770): Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it. http://tfl.nu/r24g
  Replies (6) Good night (387) Bad night (681)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.

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  (503): I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress. http://tfl.nu/qmrb
  Replies (6) Good night (361) Bad night (1147)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans

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  (519): Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans http://tfl.nu/rcga
  Replies (7) Good night (316) Bad night (810)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.

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  (203): I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food. http://tfl.nu/xhm6
  Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (332)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.

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  (210): It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings. http://tfl.nu/yuk8
  Replies (0) Good night (205) Bad night (87)

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