we have officially lost it.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.