Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
