Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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