On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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