so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?