Define "chronic" masturbator.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
