Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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