thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
