My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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