i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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