Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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