Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
