ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
