It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
