i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
