onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
