you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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