Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
