Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
