So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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