um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
