Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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