fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Houston, we have a squirter
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
