I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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