I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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