I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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