And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
