i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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