I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
