your thong is hanging out like whoa
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
