hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
