HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
