i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
