I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
