Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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