when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize