My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
