My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
