do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
