Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
