I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
