I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
